Blowing It Big Time

I would like to share of story of Blowing It Big Time. I have 3 teenage sons. They are all amazing. They can all be total brats also. I sometimes blow it with them big time. They see me and know it's coming, the barrage of questions - more like interrogations, the "What were you thinking!" conversations, the "Okay, you did your chores, so what do you want-a brownie!" and the ever popular - "Because I said so....!" BLOW IT, BLEW IT...GONE!

I was thinking when did I become such a tyrant? When did I stop caring about them or viewing them as my favorite kids in the whole world? Here are all my excuses...I'm a single mom, I'm tried, I'm frustrated at the never ending laundry pile. Not enough me time. Not enough support from their dad. NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY. Not enough of anything....

Blowing it big is not really about them, it most certainly is about me. So how do I fix the problem (okay maybe "fix" is the wrong word-that's my co-dependent nature talking) . I have to look at me and figure out why there is not enough of anything. It might be I need another job. It might mean moving to a different house. It might mean asking for help (which by the way I hate). I might mean taking more me time. It might mean saying no to people in my life.

When I blow it big time with my kids, it doesn't mean I don't love them. It might mean I have buried the love under a pile of dirty socks. What it also means is I can say "I'm sorry," and really mean it. Ultimately, I have to get reminded of Christ and how He loved us. He loved us even though we didn't deserve it. He keeps loving, He keeps giving us grace. I need to deal with them with more grace and love. It's funny I thought the formative years where between 2-5 years old, but I think they are the teenage years. They start to shape their lives and following examples (good or bad). They begin to come into their own skins. It's scary for them...soon they will be in the world without the safety net of "Mom!"

I also have to learn to let go, but letting go doesn't mean I will ever quit being their mom. It's letting them find their way in God's grace and hopefully mom's grace.

Second chances are always a good thing and when I Blow It Big Time, I need their grace.